Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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