I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
pray to the hookup gods
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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