you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
