There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I am available for nakedness
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
