Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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