What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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