your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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