i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
