True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
