im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize