No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
