Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
