No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize