I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
