I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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