I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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