That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
