Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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