Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
