trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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