What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
