im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
