You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
