that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
