he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love having hate sex.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
