Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
