So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
