Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize