singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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