I'm really into asian looking animals
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
