tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
