I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
