maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
