Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
