We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
