We're like a lot better than the average bears
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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