I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
