She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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