I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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