Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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