He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
