All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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