Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
