Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
