I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
