Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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