If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
