My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
