she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
