just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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