You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
