Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
