I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize