This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
