I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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