so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
