I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
