My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
