this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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