RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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