Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize