so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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