I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All the doctor said was why
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
