she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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