I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize